Fall Equinox 2018: Saying Goodbye to My Dad

I’m writing to wish everyone a beautiful fall equinox ~ as you can see from the photos below, it’s perfect fall day in Hastings, with the brilliant blue sunshine of September, warm but with a tinge of autumn’s sharp coolness in the breeze.

The equinoxes are a time to reflect on the idea/ideal of balance and take stock of our lives ~ to think about what has unfolded in the past six months, and what our dreams are for the next half of the year (and beyond). Since my sun sign is Libra, balance is one of the qualities that resonates most with me. But balance has been tough to come by in the past two years as I, along with my family, have weathered some big challenges and losses.

Dudley is doing well ~ well enough that I had four spirit message circle events lined up through Annie Wilder’s Spirited Schoolhouse. (I had not yet started promoting the events, but my sincere apologies to those who had hoped to attend a spirited event this fall.)

What happened was that my dad, a Montana farmer at heart ~ who I love and admire in a million ways and who has been instrumental in my life and sensibility ~ got very sick this summer after completing chemo. It turned out the cancer had returned ~ and he chose not to fight it anymore. (He had already beat cancer three times ~ we know how fortunate we were to have him in our life, feeling strong and well, for an extra several years.) We didn’t know how much time my dad had left or what would be happening with his health this fall, so I decided not to host any spirited events at my house.

My mom and siblings and I, along with the grandkids, cared for my dad at home, where he was surrounded by love, cared for by family, and close to the land and fields that he had plowed, planted, and harvested for 40 years. He passed away last week.

I hope and believe my dad will visit me and I talk to him every day, but my sadness is still pretty raw and raggedy. Being strong and taking care of the work that needs to be done is one of the ways I can honor my dad.

I was contacted by a TV producer while my dad was sick. She got in touch again last week ~ I will be posting about her new show and why I’m involved in the next few days.

Last note: in the past year, adding new flowers and garden spots to our yard has been a source of joy and satisfaction for me. In a small way, I feel this also honors my dad’s legacy of working with and caring for the land; of growing things and participating in the small miracle of seeds becoming flowers or oats or hay or wheat.